I am not sure whether parenting was as difficult 20, 50 or maybe even 100
years ago but am certain modern-day parenting has assumed distinctive proportions
and status in minds of most people. Parenting from being an art has slowly
transformed into being a science. “Every
action has an equal (mostly magnified) and opposite reaction”. It is one of
those things which can be appreciated and understood only by those who have
either lived through or are living. Once a parent, always a parent, I say. Technology
I guess has a major if not the pivotal role in bringing about this revolution.
Children find it much easier to communicate with the devices rather than indulge
in the age old human-to-human contact (read interacting with parents). Not a
day goes by when I am not reminded by my daughter “how she is a product of 6
billion years of successful evolution” and I should treat her like one. How about
acting like one, my darling by-product?
Couple of months back I had the privilege of attending a workshop with
my daughter where in one of the sessions we were asked to listen to the anguish
of this generation “Z” (generation Y will feel outdated in sometime I can bet).
One child shared, “how can you understand what is the fun of computer games or
apps on our mobiles / iTouch/iPads when you have not encountered these things
during your growing up years”. A very valid observation and an equally solid argument,
I must admit. Well afterwards we were taken through more sessions where the
point – “we can’t be perfect parents, so we should stop expecting perfect kids”
– was illustrated. Clear situation of customer delight gone wrong from both
ends.
After the workshop I had my eureka moment. Realization dawned that we
can either be successful or unsuccessful parents but never good or bad or
perfect or imperfect. All parents are good because it’s always the well being
which is at the heart of all our actions (that’s what we like to believe, don’t
we). I had read in Reader’s Digest a couple of decade’s back – “All mothers
give birth to great men, it’s not their fault if life disappoints them later” –
it has stuck with me since then. Such quotes take off a lot of pressure off my
shoulders and conscience.
This realization and several other pearls of wisdom which I have had
the opportunity of collecting in my quest to be a successful parent has
resulted in my coming up with multitude of competencies for achieving the equivalent
status. However, covering all would really prove to be a sort of laundry list
that we would not want to go through. So I have narrowed them down to just 5
core competencies which we would require lifelong. These need to be practiced
and observed in terms of behaviors’. Believe me we will not be able to survive
more than these anyways in real life situations. I am not getting into the
technical competency mapping but just going with my gut and limited practical experience
so far. If life blows me later I don’t know.
We get ample opportunities to internalize and utilize these,
once our angels discover feet, hands and most importantly “mind of their own”. For the seasoned ones I don't need to pass on. Sharing
from experience my dear Watson.
Ambiguity Tolerance:
This is the ability of the parents to work with incomplete,
inconsistent and/or conflicting data (these are our children for god sake) in
order to achieve the desired results. No one has understood them and no one
will ever be able to tame them. We know what we have produced so then we cannot
go on blaming the product. Right. So in order to deal with this self created situation,
we need to develop ambiguity tolerance. Pray for the best but be prepared for the
worst. Your child would abhor all healthy foods at home by employing every
possible trick up her/his sleeves to avoid having them. But lo you go visiting some
friends over dinner and the way your child swoops down on the same dishes will
make you want to hide under the “invisibility cloak”. Now I understand why Harry Potter's parents must have got it in the first place. Adding injury to insult
is the statement, in front of all those people “mom why don’t you make these
dishes at home”. Ambiguity is directly proportional to growing up. One goes up, the other goes up much faster.
Consequential Thinking
This competency is the ability of the parents to visualize a series of
next steps for any particular decision involving the child. For example the parents
have to think through (logic and obvious will definitely not work here) the
effect of saying no to T.V viewing after coming back from school. Therefore we adopt a course of action which we think is doable, best possible and not
too difficult to follow. However, all these precautions and preparedness need
not necessarily bear the anticipated results. It could pull you into a new
space, where your ambiguity tolerance will play a major role in handling the pressure.
No amount of goodwill gained in the past will work here. This too shall pass.
Creative Solution Mindset
This is the ability to come up with unheard, unexpected and innovative
solutions which will satisfy your child/children without making a dent in your peaceful
existence or otherwise stable mental state. We as parents are expected to come
up with bizarre and completely out-of-box solutions at all times of the day and
of course night to deal with diverse posers thrown by the children. They
believe in variety and higher the shock value for us, the more satisfied they
are. For example at 9 in the night your child says “I have a science project on
cell structure to submit tomorrow”. Great. If you are one of those who have not
seen science books ever since your tenth board, then having this competency
will help you tide this unforseen situation. All the best.
Children Environment
Sensitivity
The competency requires parents to work in a dynamic, constantly
changing environment created by kids with understanding and sensitivity. You
might have obediently followed all the diktats of your parents and understood
their point of view, most of the time. However with this generation you are
expected to display the same emotional stability and sensitivity. You can’t pressurize
them unnecessarily. They have so much to handle – T.V, computer games,
sleeping, eating and last and the least of the worries’, study. Come on guys,
be sensitive. These kids need to visit spas and not us.
Stretch Ability
This is the ability of the parents to continually work beyond standard
expectations of parental performance. Your tolerance threshold needs to be
considerably high to sustain such stretch outs. This is one competency which
comes to play in sailing successfully, without any major accidents (yours, not
your kids), through each day. For example during the summer vacations the
constant pressure of “I am getting bored” should not take you to the break
point. It needs to be tackled with lot of patience and slowing down.
Take a deep breath and get going parents. Remember it’s a 28/7 job.
I forgot to tell you. My daughter turned 12 last week.
Ma
P.S share if more competencies have been identified by you.
Comments
Post a Comment