Monday, September 03, 2012

End: For a New Beginning

Sometimes ending is the most important thing for making new beginnings. Some relationships are such where the best way to "let them be" is by moving out of it, mentally and emotionally. Not all relationships are meant to have forever tag attached to it. This is true not just for romantic relations but true for any family, friendly relations between people. Expiry date is mentioned for most, we sometimes miss it. Or may be choose to ignore it because of weaknesses of our own. 

As far as family relations are concerned, its by birth, so there is very little that you can do about it. You will always find some are giving more to the relation than the others. This begins to hurt when you know you are being taken for granted. Only people don't realize that if the relations are stretched too far for comfort, they will break. May be for better. Sometimes people commit the folly of thinking that family members can't see through the designs of the  opportunist or "extra friendly and warm" relatives. Sadly its not so. Hypocrites can never display the genuineness of a pure soul. They can't understand either. I guess most people have the understanding to know whom to trust and where to alienate. There are no compulsions. If you sense that some people are deliberately looking you down or ignoring you, please step back. Everyone has eyes and most of them the maturity to see through the "smarter" ones and gauge their level of commitment to maintaining the respect required to sustain a relationship. Try locating the smooth operators during family occasions. Also always remember, never take sides during family discords. Have your own stand and maintain your dignity under all circumstances. Birds of same feathers will always flock together so don't get sucked in.  

However even if the foundation of relationships are based on mutual trust and liking, somewhere along the way people drift apart. It has got nothing to do with giving 100% to it or having enough respect for each other to help it survive. I feel sometimes giving space in a relationship creates the vacuum that cannot be filled by anything that you have to offer. That space becomes a black hole which has the capacity to suck everything without a trace. Moreover when two people believe more in what others have to say and not what their friendship has to offer then this distance is bound to come. It is one of those distances that cannot be covered or traveled no matter how much strength or strong will one has. No distance is greater than this distance between two people. 

Most of the times in order to hold on to something or someone, the most important thing is letting go. I think birth and death also give us the same message. When we are born, we have our fists clenched, hands close to heart, legs all folded up. As we grow we loosen up and open up. In death we are completely free. Hands open, spirit free, no sensation. So in relationships, when they begin everything is closed and drawn together but as it grows it starts to become free and is open to all that it has to absorb while it lasts. End brings numbness, no feeling. A sense of freedom that has the potential to create something new. A new beginning.

I feel that as part of growing up it is also very important to back out of relations where you are not welcome especially within family. Backing out is not being negative but becoming more positive for all the other relations in life. One bad experience has the potential to ruin so many other relations in your circle. Signs are always there. Keep your eyes open. I believe that not everyone will have all relations working for them all the time. Accept the ones that are there with you and let go those where you are not invited or involved. Withdrawal is not defeat. It only means that you have run out of all that you had to offer. Its not the number of relations but the depth in each one of them that matters more. Life is all about change. Accept that people change, priorities change, objects of affection change, friendships change, family relationships change, need to be together change etc. 

You have to move on in order to keep the relations that you don't want to go bad. Love happens by chance and not through coercion. Give your best but let go when you see the signs. I have learnt it the hard way but sharing with you the easy way. When there is pain in any relationship don't wait till the moment it has completely destroyed you. Never let anybody walk all over you. See the writings on the wall. Walk out before it is too late. 

Learn to differentiate between people who make you feel comfortable and those who make you feel that you were somewhere else to have that feeling of comfort. World is full of wonderful people. You just need to have the eyes to spot them and the heart to feel their goodness. Go and discover and make beautiful and happy relations of your own.

Ma      


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