Sunday, September 09, 2012

Why? Its only Human Nature

A small get together of friends over soups, snacks and dinner turned into a “sensitivity workshop”. Not intentional but more out of freewheeling discussions and sharing. The basic content of the conversations hinging around favorite topics like me and my sacrifices; me and others; me and my husband and more on similar lines. The conversations that were happening were self gratifying, self engulfing, self motivational, self glorifying, and self satisfying etc. Some samples - “I did so much for him then why did he not reciprocate in the same way.” “I gave up everything for him but he still doesn’t support me in front of his parents.” " My spouse does  not stand by me but chooses to look the other way on things that hurt me." “I made all adjustments and went out of my way for my in-laws but they still favor my sister-in-law who doesn’t do even 1% of what I did.” “I gave up my career and dreams to build a home for others but no one cares for me.” “I taught him love but he never gave me back the same love.” “I married a different person than whom I loved”. “I was forced to leave my baby and come back to join work”. “I take care of all the needs of his parents but he doesn’t bother about mine”. "This is all, you know what I went through when….". It seems like a never ending story. Each one trying to out do the other in their attempt to show how dismal their existence has been after their "fairy tale marriage". 

I call this story session because the incidents are always real but all the stirring incidents/facts which made each friend sob, sympathize or cry had been sensationalized with added embellishments and element of pathos. Since they were the writer of their “original, never been heard before” sordid, pathetic, moving stories so they had all the liberty in the world to shape and present it the way they wanted. Nothing wrong with that. After all each story is as unique as the rest. Its like every soldier returning from a war wanting to share “one of its kind” story with the world.

When I come to think of such a “story telling session” I am amazed at its potential for self destruction and pathos. This makes me step back and think to myself. Why is it that some people are always surrounded by their miseries and will not let anyone get in their way of self pity descent? Does having suffering give some kind of power over others? What is the age old romance with pain and playing victim to circumstances? Why is it that our own sacrifices always appear looming and unattainable compared to others? Why my daddy is always strongest compared to others? Why is my love for my spouse and his family always more than his/her for mine? Why is my child more special than others? These are some questions which I am sure “Google” will also find difficult to answer to satisfaction.

So as self help would demand, I am putting together all my learning’s, reading, associations with others, training, sermons from mother and others and making a humble attempt at answering in order to put these thoughts to rest to some degree at least. 

"Accept all and move on". Everyone cries, everyone has gone through pain, everyone has been hurt at some point in life and everyone does "extraordinary" things for the supposedly undeserving, please listen to others too or better still watch re-runs of "Satyamev Jayate"No one can lock you in chains of emotions if you don’t desire yourself. 

There are constants in life which are there to stay and will be there even if you adopt “an ostrich approach”, so recognize them and start living your life beyond them. In every relationship one is the giver and the other a “less giver”. We love someone out of our own choice so if they change it’s to be accepted. If you have been let down once perhaps others could have been responsible for it but if you make a habit of being let down then honey let’s face it - it’s your fault. No one will value your 'selfless sacrifices' if they have not asked you to make one. No one in authority will ever accept a decision in which they are not involved and no one below will follow if they don’t have respect for you. If barriers created by others are high, please grow taller. If you feel that all that was dear to you and rightfully yours is being taken away from you, please run faster to get them back. Every problem has a solution which needs to be worked out – no free lunches in this world. For value addition to life, create opportunities and find creative solutions. We can’t run away from taking responsibility for our self created “Frankenstein’s”. Everything has a time and place so have patience to let the tides turn in your favor. No one in the rational world can take your rights if you are strong. Will and resilience to survive and fight back cannot be ordered from 'Flipkart' by courier. In this big, bad, mad world there is only one person who has your best interest in mind, will not be manipulative, will see and appreciate your point of view etc. – its “YOU”. Revelation. So either make use of this absolutely free, 24/7 available resource or stop wimping, cribbing and whining. Get going sweetheart! Life is waiting for you with open arms.


1 comment:

  1. Bravo Shalu!! I'm reading your blog for the first time. For me,I think you're doing a remarkable job of explaning the facets that contribute to a child's (infact any life long learner's) success through your practical suggestions and an engaging style.We all are constantly searching for the elusive strategy to deal effectively with each problematic situation.I guess this should help us relish imperfections as a oppose to years of looking at them with disdain or as failures.I felt "REAL".Thank you for being "YOU".